The end of the road

After much thought and consideration, I have decided to go home. Although it pains me to make this decision, it is the best decision for me right now. Throughout my time in Namibia, I have worked hard to help the people of Namibia, to help promote a better understanding of Americans on the part of Namibians and also to help promote a better understanding of Namibians on the part of Americans. For current Peace Corps volunteers, trainees, and returned Peace Corps volunteers, these goals are the heart and soul of Peace Corps and your two year service. For me, goal one was the hardest. 

After swearing in as a volunteer, I along with Elizabeth, another volunteer in my group, made the 8 hour journey to Opuwo where we would be spending the next two years. Both of us had been assigned to work at the Ministry of Health in the regional office in Opuwo. Elizabeth would be working as an IEC advisor and developing various health related materials for the region and I would be a Special Programs advisor and helping with the HIV/AIDS, Malaria and Tuberculosis programs at the regional level. 

As the weeks and months passed by, I found myself wanting to work with outside organizations as I did not feel fulfilled by my work at the Ministry of Health. I formed relationships with the staff at Ombetja yeHinga (OYO) and also at the Namibian Red Cross Society. Through OYO, I assisted with school presentations on healthy relationships, HIV prevention, and many other health related topics affecting youth. Through the Red Cross, I started out by helping in the Friday after school class for orphans and vulnerable children (OVCs) and ended up leading most of the Friday sessions. Along with the after school class, I also assisted the Red Cross with a few other projects that they needed help with, such as the bicycle empowerment network (BEN) and a huge gardening project.  At first, this seemed to be my solution to my dilemma. But with more and more volunteers from various organizations coming to Opuwo, it became harder and harder to work with these organizations. With a handful of organizations and eight volunteers in the town, it was very difficult for me to find a project to do or an organization where I was needed where there wasn’t already a volunteer. 

After talking with my Peace Corps supervisor about my situation, she understood how difficult and frustrating things were becoming for me and decided to offer me a site change. Changing sites would allow me to still continue as a volunteer without having to quit and also would give me a second chance at having a good placement. After a few conversations with my supervisor, she told me what kinds of organizations I might be placed with. As much as I would have loved to accept a site change, I knew in my heart that the new site was not the right option for me. After going through more difficult times than I could handle, I became burnt out and decided that changing sites would not be the right decision for me. Although the option that was offered to me was not right for me, I do want to say that Peace Corps tried to help me in every way possible. Some volunteers may say that Peace Corps is not supportive, but in my situation the Peace Corps staff has been wonderful. 

Although I do not wish to go into detail as to why I left on this blog, please know that I spent many sleepless nights thinking what was the best thing for me and for the people of Namibia. As a social work student and a daughter of parents that work in the helping profession, I have learned that it is vitally important to take care of yourself before helping others. During my service, it became difficult for me to take care of myself and remain happy. 

It’s not the fact that I couldn’t handle two years of Peace Corps service in Africa. It was the fact that I did not feel my skills were being utilized. It saddens me that I feel that I would do more good with my skills back home in the States than in Namibia. I had wished to use my knowledge of comprehensive sexuality education, HIV preventative practices, grant writing, working with children and many other skills that I have acquired over the years. With the hand of cards that I had been dealt though, that was not the case. 

As for my future, who knows what it may bring. Through Peace Corps I have found my passion for working in an international setting. Who knows if I will someday be educating other Americans about different cultures in a study abroad setting or if working for the US Agency for International Development (USAID) or even working for UNAIDS. 

For my fellow volunteers in Namibia, I wish you all the best. For any future Peace Corps volunteers thinking about serving, seriously consider doing it. It will forever change your life and open your mind to many cultures and opportunities. Despite the outcome, I am still happy that I decided to do Peace Corps, as it will forever change me. For my friends, family and co-workers back home in the States, thank you so much for your support and love. I deeply appreciate all that you have done for me and helped me through.